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The healing Journey is a heroic journey back to our authentic SELF.

It is called a journey as it will not happen in one or two sessions.

I often hear, "I've got a block that needs removing", as if it will occur in one session and the person will magically become present and grounded, all resolved.

This was not the case for me.

Healing the body, the emotional body, the psyche and the nervous system will not happen in one session

The body has contracted with every wounding, the nervous system has been dis-regulated over a lifetime. Healing back to wholeness takes time, courage, commitment and the support of a variety of healing modalities.

It is an arduous journey as we face our disconnection with our bodies, our self and the present moment.

There is a place within us that is timeless, untouched and whole - it is beneficial to be able to sense into this beingness part of ourselves. From here we have the largess to work on our wounded parts, our contraction, our dissociation, our collapse states, our zealous and fretful thinking and most importantly our nervous system.

My understanding is that you have to feel safe with your practitioner. Sometimes your nervous system is too disregulated to dwell in your grounded sense of wholeness and so you will need a practitioner that is grounded and present. Your system can co-regulate off their system and you can begin to feel into a sense of safety. Co-regulation is helpful until you can self-regulate.

I say to my clients when you go to someone for healing work - check in with your self, do you feel safe and supported. Is their energy grounded, calming - are they present. Your organism will respond - you will know.

Is this modality helping me? Is it suitable to me for this part on my healing journey?

My first practitioner was nature, the elements, the ocean, the river, the earth, the sky, sun, wind, rain and the trees. Here I felt safe and nature reflected back to me my own grounded sense of being. Here I was held -supported - I could breath and open. It is great to start to feel into what works for your nervous system. For some being alone in nature would be an unpleasant sensation. We all have different responses - there is no one measure - there is no right or wrong - there is just noticing.

I then took to a long time in solitude and silence and worked with spirit world on emotional wounding imprints. This work was difficult, painful, confronting and raw and yet here I was being supported - this time by the subtle realm.

Again huge shifts occurred over a three year period. Without this emotional baggage bands of restriction were lifted and I began to experience a sense of oneness.

I felt ready to work with people and the body and I bought my self ten weekly massage sessions.

As trauma specialist Bessel Van der Kolk - states - "The body keeps the score."

The body carries our history - it is shaped and formed by our experience.

When we touch the contracted muscle and move the fascia things begin to shift, frozen parts of ourselves move - we come to life. Our nervous system can shift out of continuous activation. We can experience what the rest and digest state of being feels like. These sessions for me were nourishing and my organism experienced a sense of safety and support. I got off the table after many sessions and found myself in a state of rest and digest - this was new to me and a startling revelation. This did not last but it gave me a taste of what I desired.

We can learn about our nervous system states and begin to nourish ourselves. If you enjoy touch bodywork can be profound.

Why do we take the heroes journey of healing?

Usually a sense of discomfort, physical pain is often an indicator - a calling card. Anxiety, depression, a knowing feeling that "this", isn't quite right. I am not well within myself. There must be another way to be in the world.

In 2014 I discovered TRE® - Trauma, Tension release exercises devised by David Berceli.

TRE® enables us to invoke and regulate our mammalian ability to shake out trauma, tension and stress held in our systems. We are wired as mammals to be able to release trauma, heal and flourish - this is known as post traumatic growth.

After one session I was relieved of chronic jaw pain and after three years of ongoing practice my life was thoroughly transformed. The relief from chronic pain was wonderful and even more life changing was the shift in my nervous system.

I came out of continual activation of the fight, flight, fawn, freeze loop I was stuck in.

My system which was once full of anxiety - fight and flight energy - became relaxed and grounded. My cortex the rational thinking part of my brain came online, my body relaxed and I was no longer stuck in my thinking mind, regurgitating over the past or frantically thinking into the future - I am merely here as present moment awareness. This is a huge shift in states of consciousness and a lovely way to "be" in the world.

I still practice TRE® every week as a maintenance practice to be with my body - to explore and express - to enjoy the embodied experience.

The latest modality that I have delved into is Transformational Body work Devised by Deva Daricha. Transformational Bodywork is an evolutionary approach to whole being transformation.

It is a unique synthesis of several modalities including Ida Rolf's work (Rolfing) and in particular Postural Integration - the work of Jack Painter.

Past trauma is held in the tissue of the body and can cause contraction, tightness, body pains and inhibited breathing patterns.

Since being worked on with this modality I notice my body has changed shape, my chest has opened, I feel straighter, stronger and my body has lengthened and shed some weight. My body feels more balanced and alive.

During sessions I have seen past events and felt emotions leave my body. On the table with the practitioner I have been able to enact out thwarted fight, flight responses making for a completion in my system - bringing me further back to life.

I have experienced different states of consciousness - many and varied multi dimensional experiences which assist in expanding one's awareness. The flesh is a gateway into all of consciousness.

This work is deep, profound and multi-dimensional. Always after my body feels well and more freedom and expansion is experienced. I feel aligned as life itself with no constraints.

My healing journey began in 2009 and is a continuous bounty of transformation. Life that was once a dread is now a joy. The journey has been long, tough and ultimately transformative. Life lived from a regulated nervous system is an embodied experience of presence and life - silent, free and flowing.

Funnily enough coming back home to a deep remembering.

I found the modalities that I used in my own healing journey so life changing that I studied them so as to share with others that have the impulse to heal.

There are many different modalities and practitioners to see what suits you.

Again you will notice what modality and practitioner resonates for you at a particular time.

This is the work we do to create peace within our own organism.

I also support my system by floating in rivers and splashing in the ocean, by remembering to breath, by sitting on the soil, solitude and silence, meditating and singing mantras.

As we shed the contractions and stories we experience more of our true nature

At one part of us - our eternal nature we are whole, perfect - just here and paradoxically we are a work in progress ever releasing into that perfect mystery.

Updated: Jul 21, 2021

In 2009 I first experienced kundalini and some of her manifestations. She assisted in a profound shift in consciousness - awakening to the divine sense of oneness - unity consciousness. She started to make her way up my body with at first mild force - swiveling my body in a circular motion.

Mystical visions, past life experiences and communing - working with the subtle realm. Much healing was carried out by the subtle realm in subtle surgeries - assisting in trauma recovery - healing the vessel, lightening the load.

This evolutionary process was for me exhilarating, de-stabilising, un-ravelling ego construction and healing. I had trust in the process and although at times it was intense, physically painful and unusual I intuitively opened to it.

For many the gross world is the extent of their reality and there is no understanding of the possibility of communion with spirit and the subtle realms.- it could therefore be misconstrued as mental illness. I knew and trusted that it was a part of our human involutionary process.

After much healing via nature, spirit and extensive use of the TRE® process,

I experienced a profound shift of consciousness whilst watching Mooji on the net.

The person fell away and I experienced myself as pure consciousness for a nine month period. There was no thought, pure consciousness reigned supreme and there was bliss, joy and a great sense of vastness. I was however not very functional at this stage, I sat looking in bliss at the concrete floor of my house as pure consciousness with no relationship to my human life.

After the dry perfection of transcendence I one night experienced being everything in the universe the stones, the trees, the mountains, the oceans, the rivers, the animals and then the humans and all their projections, desires and suffering. I experienced the violence and suffering of peoples actions against one another in their dualistic consciousness. It was both beautiful and horrific and its embodied impact was such that it awoke my human nature and I realised that I was both that and this. I was that living through this, I remembered that I had a name, a body, a family, an occupation. Consciousness was now embodied. Thought also returned but it was minimal and of a more useful nature, no longer psychological suffering- projection or regurgitation. Life consisted of naturally doing what was in front of me, a more intuitive existence.- no longer driven by an ego identity, fear was gone - more like a clearer vessel being driven by the divine impulse of life.

Alcohol and sex had both left the building. I had previously enjoyed a hearty appetite for both and yet post awakening the sense of wholeness was so complete that there was no longer any desire for either sex or alcohol - they no longer existed as part of my lived experience. Joy and inner peace reigned supreme.

In 2016 whilst approaching the entrance of an ashram my legs began to give out, my whole body began to shake and convulse, my head was thrown back in violent spasms. I was carried to a seat, where they asked me my name, I didn't have one.

"I dont know", I said.

I was left in peace for Kundalini Shakti to do her thing. I felt a groundswell of energy rising through my feet and travelling up my legs with the accompanying sound of a deafening steam train as my body, shook, and vibrated, flicked and spasmed like a rag doll under the great force. The flow continued up my spine and traveled full speed through the crown of my head. There was total overwhelm and bright white light coursed through my head. I experienced a super expanded consciousness.

I was kindly driven to a temple to lie down and for the whole day my body tremored and flicked and unwound.

After I felt cleaned out, clear - more freedom. I crawled until I could walk, I ate a bowl of soup and felt divine and clear.

For the next five years this energy would arise spasmodically, clearing and refining further. I would go into spontaneous mudras, strange verbal utterances and my body would form into sacred dance gestures. I have had a lot of pressure around the heart at certain times and arrhythmia. I have been to emergency department in the night once as I thought I was having a heart attack only to find my heart was fine. Sometimes in the middle of the night my body would go into strange, extreme breathing patterns and would run out under the starry night where it would flick and form spontaneous yoga poses as my consciousness extended through the galaxies. I would have visions of goddesses and dakinis dancing in my body. There was a lot of heat and very little sleep and yet I was not tired, I was energised and shiny - light.

At an ashram another time I experienced two separate episodes of intense breathing and an influx of strong divine energy from outside into my body, it felt as though my body would burst it was seemingly too much to contain. I gasped air in an attempt to allow the energy into my body. Again this went on for hours.

This Kundalini Awakening was a pretty wild ride and yet I surrendered to it all. I trusted this evolutionary/involutionary process. There was no way to predict it or stop it so I completely surrendered in the understanding that it is the light/ god/ consciousness flooding my body.

Now the energy has subsided to a vibrant hum, an effervescent flow of life force.

Kundalini Shakti - purifying - leading to spiritual liberation.

If i have anything to share about Kundalini - I would say don't fight her, allow her to consume what she wants. Surrender, surrender, surrender.

Updated: Apr 9, 2020

Trauma - the response to a deeply distressing or disturbing event that overwhelms an individual's ability to cope, causes feelings of helplessness, diminishes sense of safety and the ability to feel a full range of emotions and experiences. It may cause a sense of hopelessness and shutdown. It can cause anxiety, anger, irritability and depression.

When we incarnate in a human body it seems inevitable that we experience trauma. So trauma is varied in range from severe trauma to softer trauma. Regardless of degree it has a debilitating impact on the expression of our life.

'Hard' trauma is generally understood. Lesser known or acknowledged as trauma is; any time our body contracts - it could be stress at work, stress at home, arguments with partner, financial concerns - we even contract from our own negative thought forms. There are thousands of examples of overwhelm on our systems.

When we are living out of past, habitual nervous system responses - fight, flight, freeze we are missing out on the joy of present moment awareness. Our true nature - one of joy, peace and SELF -satisfaction is blighted by our dis-regulated nervous systems.

By no choice of our own we are hijacked by a nervous system in continual activation - this impedes our freedom as life.

In my own past before resolving my trauma and balancing my nervous system, I was only comfortable in Nature or with animals. I was stuck in f/f/f combination and was missing out on a whole area of life - communion with other humans. I had no felt sense of safety in the body or on the planet.

My nervous system clocked people as a threat and my experience was one of continual activation. Feelings of anxiety, defensiveness, dissociation and hopelessness.

I thought this was life. I didn't know anything else other than this activated response to life.

If you observe society - locally and globally you will notice that most humans' nervous systems are highly charged. Inner peace and outer peace elude the majority of humans on the planet.

Are you at peace?

This time in history we have a chance for great change - for evolvement as a species. Current understanding of the nervous system is making its way through to the mainstream and we have a real chance to bring about a more highly evolved version of ourselves . We can extract ourselves from instinctual survival mode, from dissociated or depressed states of being. We can achieve inner peace - one organism at a time. Change can occur for the betterment of humanity. If we heal our individual and collective trauma and balance our nervous systems we will be living in peace.

Our individual and collective pasts have been subject to violence, hatred, fear, greed and anger -we have been living a hell on earth. This is such a magnificent planet and us at our source are truly resplendent.

Is our dis-regulated nervous system responsible for our contracted, sub-standard form of humanity we are expressing at the moment?

Imagine living in a society where we are responsive not reactive, where kindness and true compassion are a natural expression of who we are. Where we don't need love but experience ourselves as love itself.

Nervous system health is imperative if we are to gain inner and outer peace.

Nervous system regulation could herald in the much anticipated aquarian age.

One of mass awakening, co -operation, compassionate care for our SELF in the form of all sentient beings - including the planet herself.

Now is the time you can address your nervous system and bring it into peace and balance. Healing a dis-regulated nervous system and maintaining it's balance is one of the most pro-active, positive actions you can contribute to the planet at the moment. I feel our survival - our awakening and flourishing will be precipitated by this work.

Warmest regards


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